You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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