So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
