Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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