I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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