Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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