I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
