im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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