fuck your aforementioned shoe
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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