Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
