awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
