We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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