Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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