Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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