a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
