if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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