My liver just broke up with me...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize