that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
