I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
