i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize