It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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