she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
