i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
