We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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