She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
