she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can you bring me the toilet please
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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