I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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