Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
