I'm really into asian looking animals
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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