Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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