This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
