i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
