We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
