end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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