she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
