Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
