I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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