im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
