hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
