Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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