also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
