We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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