She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
