it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
