there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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