I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
