you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
