my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
