I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
