The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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