can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
