u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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