we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Randomize
