so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
