You can't motorboat a personality
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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