ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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