I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
