I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
