Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize