I am puke
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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