i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Green mimosas i think yes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
