Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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