It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
