i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm like, not good at living.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
