I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
