My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
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