there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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