Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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