I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
