shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
