i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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