I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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