u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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