K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
