She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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