I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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