what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
